Screwing With Us
by EbbyGothic
Summary: The fourth grade South Park boys discover fan fiction. When disgusted by the idea they end up going on an adventure to confront two of the sites most notorious writers.


A/N - Hello everyone. So recently upon talking with some avid fans I discovered a lot of people don't like that there isn't a relatable female on South Park. Communicating with my amazing friend XxDarkSarcasm1010xX we came up with two brilliant female characters in Vi and Kenna. They're not your usual thinking girls and can give the guys a run for their money in the disgusting department. The two foul mouthed, crude girls will entertain you and burrow into your brain as well as become loveable characters you'll wish were actually on the show. So enjoy our concept, there will be more to come.

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Kenny's POV –

"Dude, come quick." Kyle shouted from outside.

I poked my head out of the window and saw him surround by our friends standing on my snow blanketed lawn. I walked outside into the bitter blizzard.

"What?" I mumbled staring amongst the boys faces.

"The Jew claims he's found the most disgusting, vile thing he's ever had the displeasure of viewing." Cartman explained. I looked to Kyle.

"Did you find the two girls one cup video?" I asked. Kyle shook his head.

"No much worse." He announced moving off beckoning us to follow.

"This better be good you fucking Jew rat." Cartman snapped as we moved off. Kyle shook his head and grimaced biting down on his bottom lip attempting to hold in his recant, yet as per usual he failed miserably.

"Fuck you fat ass, go eat another bag of Cheesy poofs." He shot back. I shook my head.

"Enough guys." Stan said rolling his eyes.

"Just show us this supposedly fucked up thing so we can go home." Clyde interjected.

"Yeah, I got chores to do fellas." Butters added.

Kyle strolled into his house and up the stairs to his bedroom. He sat at his computer encircled by myself, Stan, Cartman, Butters, Clyde, Craig and Tweek. With a few clicks of his mouse a screen popped up.

"It's called Fan Fiction dot com." Kyle stated. The room was silent as we listened to him.

"If you type in South Park our names all come up. But it's repulsive what has been written." He explained.

"Ok….so what's been said about us?" Clyde asked moving closer toward the screen.

"Nothing about you Clyde you ball sucker, only the cool kids would be mentioned." Cartman stated obnoxiously. Clyde flipped Cartman the bird as he turned back to the computer. His eyes scanned the screen and he slowly backed away sporting a confused expression.

"What is it?" Craig asked. Clyde sat stunned, something had made him catatonic.

The rest of us rushed pushing each other to get a proper view of the screen. Slowly everyone adapted the same response as Clyde. We all moved off as far away from each other as we could finding somewhere to lean or sit. I took a deep breath letting it all sink in and it seemed the other guys were doing the same.

"So a Kyman is me sticking my dick in your ass." Cartman said pointing toward Kyle. Kyle frowned.

"Not always, in some I fuck you, fatass, but Christ knows why."

"Arghhh too much pressure… I don't want to be with Craig! Creek is so wrong, man, so wrong. If I was going to get gay I guess it'd be with Stan." Tweek explained.

"Fuck you twitch bitch." Craig snarled.

"Oh Hamburgers… Buttman is so icky. It'd be squished if Eric fucked me." Butters mumbled. Cartman glared at him.

"You'd love my cock Butters you fucking butt slut." He shouted.

Insults flew back and forth as the boys argued. Not about the fact these things called ship's existed, but dissatisfied with who they'd been paired with.

I let out a long loud whistle as I noticed Kyle's frustration. The room fell silent eyes locked upon me. I pointed to Kyle causing everyone to look back to him.

"No one is happy about this." He announced, "I propose we locate the main offenders and tell them to stop writing this sick shit. Once they stop, everyone will follow suit." Kyle suggested.

Heads bobbed and nodded in silent agreement although no one smiled or was willing to look at each other, feeling guilty for what they'd just read about them and their friends engaging in...extracurricular activities.

Kyle's fingers glided across the keys as he desperately looked for details on the writers he mentioned.

"Ok so it took some major skill but I hacked the two accounts who are equally at fault. The first writer goes by the pen name of MissTease she's Canadian her real name is Vivian Stone it says here she's eight." Kyle stated.

"Dude, how the fuck does that come from the mind of a second grader?" Tweek shrieked. Kyle shrugged.

"Dunno." He whispered.

"Dude she's Canadian, that explains everything." Cartman informed us.

"My little brother is Canadian you fat fuck." Kyle shouted. Cartman laughed.

"I rest my case." Cartman added being his usual smart ass self.

"Who's the other writer?" Stan asked as he pointed to the screen.

"Our second writer writes as KennaDramatica, her real name is McKenna O'Leary, she's our age and also Canadian. Wait a second." Kyle said. Everyone kept their eyes locked upon him.

"Fuck…. They're best friends. Both their profiles mention each other." He stated.

"So we gotta get to Canada….. how do you expect us do that?" Clyde asked. Kyle grinned.

"Fatass, steal your moms credit card. She's a hooker and has plenty of cash." Kyle sniped the room erupting in soft sniggers.

"Hey my mom is a lot of things but hooker isn't one of them." Cartman whined.

"Yes she is dude." Tweek added. Cartman glared around at everyone guilty of laughing.

"Fine, I'll go steal my mom's card." Cartman said caving to public pressure.

He stood up and walked out of Kyle's room mumbling to himself. The rest of us sat around making our plan of action. These girls didn't know what was coming, they'd be happily existing thinking no one would ever question their depraved hobby. Soon we'd be facing the ones who humiliated us, telling them to cease and decist. The plan was fool proof. No way we could lose to an eight year old and her ten year old friend.

Vi's POV –

"Kenna…. I've had an influx of hits on my Tweek story." I shouted to my friend who was sitting on my bedroom floor staring into space. I glanced to the girl dressed in black. She looked peaceful although I knew she was overthinking existence again.

"Did you fucking hear me?" I snapped. Kenna looked up at me her emerald eyes taking in my sight. She grinned.

"Yeah I did. Change tabs, check mine." She ordered climbing to her feet and rushing toward me. I changed the tab and she gasped.

"Fuck." She whispered. "That's a fucking shit ton of views. Can you view where they're coming from." She inquired. I shrugged.

"No everything is protected; I'm not a computer hacker." I sarcastically shot back. Kenna smirked placing her hands upon her hips sassily.

We both laughed for no reason. Fuck we were weirdos.

"So what is on the agenda today, Vi?" Kenna asked gently pushing me.

"I thought since outside is scary and I hate people we'd just stay inside today." I explained. She nodded.

"Seems like a good plan, we could shoot the shit and dicuss new fic ideas." Kenna suggested fiddling with a strand of her short, dark hair. I smiled as stood up from the laptop and walked to my bed, flopping on it before stretching out across the top of the unmade mess.

"Ok Kenna, so I've had this insane idea; I want to write a fic where the guys find out about free bleeding. Disgusted, they look further into it only to find out thatt Miley Cyrus started the disgusting fad. With Kyle's wits and Cartmans one track mind it progresses into a murder plot, where they kill anyone who does it before seeking out Miley with intentions to kill her. The womans sanitary companies get involved and it basically becomes a huge, fucked up adventure that ends with Butter's dressed as Majorine staring at a tampon as he mumbles about where to insert it." I explained. Kenna curled into a ball laughing like a retard. I pushed her and she rolled off the bed. The noirette climbed to her feet still laughing.

"That was fun I wanna go again." She shrieked jumping back on the bed next to me. The matress bounced and I rolled a fraction.

"So what's your idea?" I asked. The goth went to speak just as the doorbell sounded. We stared at each other awkwardly as we hadn't been expecting anyone. My parents were out of town and I was meant to stay at Kenna's but tried of her loud, annoying family, I'd used the spare key to gain entrance to my house.

We slowly walked down the spiralling stairs that creaked under us. We got to the front door.

"A weapon?" Kenna suggested. I nodded reaching out wrapping my digits around a baseball bat. I turned to see Kenna disappear into the kitchen.

"You fucking bitch get back here. I'm not doing this alone." I growled as she reappeared with a chefs knife and a deranged grin on her face.

I reached out my free hand slowly opening the door. The two of us adapting scary stances. We looked upon the twisted faces of eight boys.

"Is this the Stone residence?" The boy in the bright green ushanka asked as sixteen eyes gawked at Kenna and I. I lowered my bat and nodded.

"It is, who's asking?" I grunted. The boy stood tall and confident as the others behind him began chattering amongst themselves.

"I'm Kyle Brovloski, me and my friends came all the way from South Park to tell you to stop writing about us except for the fat one, he came to do the same but he's not our friend." Kyle said. The other boy laughed except for the target of the joke who simply let out a disgruntled growl.

I looked to Kenna and she looked to me, our faces stern and serious slowly borke down to smirks which led to uncontrollable laughter. The boys confidence faded and they began staring around broken and nervous.

"Fuck off." I answered as Kenna stared them down behind me.

"But…. But… but…." Kyle stuttered causing us to laugh more.

"Can we at least come in and discuss it?" Suggested the nervous blonde behind them with the poofy patch of hair. I clenched my eyes shut tightly thinking how to respond. I knew I'd regret my decision but I allowed it. The boys piled inside one by one removing their hats and coats as if they were business men.

They sat around my living room taking in their surrounds.

Kenna and I entered standing together at the front of the room.

"Well talk…. You have five minutes." Kenna announced.

"But tell us who the fuck you are so we know who we're dealing with." I added. A brunette stood up and flipped us off then sat back down. Then the noirette rose from his seat.

"I'm Stan Marsh, Kyle showed us your stories this morning and…." He began to be cut short.

"Stan they're not stories, they're fan fics." I explained. Stan sat back down defeated.

"Excuse me?" Chimed in the nervous blonde with the twitch.

"I'm Tweek and…Ughh. I know fan fic is usually a work of fiction about a fandom you…are involved in." He announced.

"Yeah and we're not characters we're real people." The fat one stated angrily. I shrugged.

"So what?" I questioned. The boys fell silent airily continuing to gaze around.

"So it's not real fan fic." Kyle said. The boys backed him up with soft grunts. A blonde stood up and smiled.

"Real or not, how did you even find out about us?" Asked the dirty blonde with the blue eyes. I turned to Kenna and nodded she responded with a slight nod knowing what I meant. She left the room and quickly returned passing out newspapers.

"Since you came to Canada to fight adoption laws, you've constantly been in the news for your antics." I stated.

"You're heroes here." Kenna added.

The boys glanced at the papers in shock.

"If this is real you knew who we were at the door." Stan said. I laughed.

"Indeed we did, but torturing you by making you think we didn't know you was the brightest part of our boring day." Kenna purred.

"So to you, we are characters you've grown up watching." Kyle gasped. I nodded.

"Pretty much." I said softly.

The boys now knowing stayed talking until their plane. They told us they'd followed the yellow brick road until they got lost then asked a guy named Randall if he'd heard of us. The guys then found out that Randall knew my address because he's fucking my mom. Something I'm sure my father would love to know. Questions flew about our stories and why Kenna and I didn't have flip top heads like the other locals which we answered with partial honesty leaving the guys with a slight bit of intruge to go home with. At the end of our conversations the guys, although they didn't like the outcome and agreed we could keep writing our fics. The solution being they just wouldn't read them. Simple enough and a victory for both myself and Kenna.

Kenny's POV –

We stood on the lawn outside Vivians house. We all waved and called out both girls names saying our goodbyes. Vivian laughed eying us from the top of the step.

"Guys you can call us Vi and Kenna." She requested. The guys happily continued calling out just changing the names. The girls walked into the house closing the door behind them

I wasn't sure if it was me but the two Canadians had my attention all evening. Vi with her long dark locks and soft green eyes was gorgeous her smile was captivating although deceiving; any girl who could write such foul content had to be evil. Upon discussions with the boys after leaving, Tweek confessed he'd been roped in by Vi's good looks and charm. I laughed as I listened to him. In the short time we'd been with the two Tweek had developed a crush on Vi.

We boarded the plane and guys around me began drifting into deep, careless sleep. My mind set back to the girls. Kenna with her emerald gaze and raven hair didn't say much to anyone, she hardly smiled. Together the girls appeared like an angel and a devil yet I had seen through it. They were both wicked beings and I liked it. I slowly pulled my phone from my pocket as I noticed everyone had fallen asleep. Eyes wide I read through another story, something about me fucking Tweek up the ass with a long, thick dildo. I laughed quietly as I absorbed it. Vi and Kenna sure were talented writers, I couldn't deny that. Even if their content was crude. I logged onto Facebook searching for the girls. I sent two friend requests and grinned as they were immediately accepted. The pair added me to a joint chat.

'HEY KENNY.' The message came through I grinned as they'd finally acknowledge me.

'Hey ladies, just wanted to keep in contact. You're too awesome to just forget. I been reading the fics, they're incredible really and if you're ever in America we should hang out.' I sent.

My phone went silent for a short time as I placed it in my lap staring out the window of the plane as we flew over South Park. My phone vibrated.

'Sure, sounds fucking sweet dude. I think we'll take you up on that in the near future. I think the school is planning a field trip there soon. Anyway we got shit to do and people to fuck with. Cya.'

I smirked as I read the message. My mind wandering happily before replying for the final time.

'Ok see you later. Also just thought I'd throw it out there, Tweek and me could never fuck. He likes Vi.'

I went back to the fic sit scrolling down the pages of erotic stories. As we landed I had finished yet another tale of depravity. I'd never really had a problem with the fics, I just tagged along for support. But in the end I'm glad I did because I'd made two friends who I knew in my heart I'd see again.


End file.
